Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dytinanonsi's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 8th, 2006
12:35 am	yep Did you ever notice that the wierdest shit hits you, affects you, warps your fucking mind, a colour a thought a movie a picture, some days even a sound. Then all tha you have is forgotten, all that you are is gone, and whats left? Most days not enough, most days. Honestly the hardest question i ever seem to deal with is why? gettin gup in the morning is easy, just dont think about it, do it, routine habit, it keeps you alive, but why to what purpose? now i know that this crap is sad and depressing, sorry for that the weekends hit me this way, all the quiet time, i'm usually better during the week, taht and happiness contentment, they have no motivation to share all my thoughts and feelings, I feel tired, alone, sad, i dont really want to be awake, but sleep holds no solice. Later (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
8:45 pm	day I got to drive a dump truck around all day on Friday. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 4th, 2006
8:57 pm	life I work, i'm not dead yet, and i keep going thats about it people, not much else besides work and existance. Though i swear somedays that fate, live the universe is trying to get me, i haven't dropped yet, maybe next time. Later (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
8:50 pm	again hey, whoever happens to read this nonsense, had a fairly un interesting weekend, had a picninc today, and spent way to much money on the interent, i should really not allow myself to shop on it, i just buy stuff that i think i want. The park is filled with people right now, well not so much people as stuff, squads and such, apparently there was a shooting a few minutes ago, 2 fatalites, another 3 injured, atleast thats the word, you would think this would make me think about mortality or something, but no not really. It's just words right now, i have no faces or anything to connect to it, so i really cant feel that bad, maybe later, huh? Well work is going okay, kinda fun, found out that i am crazy, they told me so, therapy is interesting, and not much else, later (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
8:41 pm	sure found 20 dollars while cleaning trash at work, decided the twenty has to go to something frivoulous not sure what yet, went to doctor boring. work is fine, eaier job than the club, fewer tips, less hours, oh well, slightly bette rpay if they ever decide to pay me, later (Comment on this)
Friday, April 14th, 2006
2:22 pm	yes no I love summer its warm sunny and the weather is beautiful even if it is only spring, i like ahving a job again. I hate summer its a time of lack of social contact for me, too much work, and it tends to be depressing. I tell only the truth even when the truth contradicts itself. I tell only the truth even when the truth is a lie. I do not lie. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 13th, 2006
7:15 pm	update got a job, tired, back hurts, and i dont get paid for another three weeks. oh well i am working now, which means in theory i will get money eventually, later all. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
10:48 pm	sure how goes it? Trying to make reality work for me, yeah sure, have a few prospects that i am hoping work for me, but who knows, still in therapy, haven't done enough to find out whether or not it works, so yeah sure, gonna keep waking up in the morningand going through the whole routine, maybe it will work out righ one of these days later (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
10:21 pm	yep Hi all, i ain't dead yet, none of you is that lucky. Not much in the way of changes, maybe, kinda sorta, who knows. Might be getting a job soon. i am in therapy, goody goody, apparently my therepist thinks i am depressed, who knew. so i now get to go talk about my problems feelings etc. once a week, it make sme feel crazy to be tlaking to a shrink, especially with the kinds of things that i tell him, in a relatively truthful manner. so we will see how all of this goes. also if i get the job, then i will be putting a serious effort into getting my motorcycle liscensed and insured so i can ride it, hopefully will get around to doing that more this time, later. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
9:47 pm	bob long week, not talking about it, if you dont know ask, tired, sore, lost alone i dont know what to do anymore, nothing works, i think couldn't tell you i dont want to care any more, dont want to try just close my eyes but that wont work dont know what to do anymore, half my friends are happy, half sad, and honestly almsot nothing for me has changed, good or bad, jsut them, i'm a bloody balnce point i dont want to try or care any more, but some instinct in my head wont let me give up, dont understand, dont know bet you cant guess whether or not i am an optimist or a pessimist (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
3:28 pm	Innocence Lost at one point i was an innocent, pure, uncorrupted. that changed. i've done things i'm not proud of. i've got the scars both physical and mental to prove that i am no longer pefect, no longer what i was. I've been on medication for years, that stuff does almost nothing good, yeah it prolongs life, but its horrible on the soul. I've sucked enough chemicals and smoke and other crap throughout my twenty one years, that my breathing, never great has significantly worsened. oh well my hands are what remind me of these things, the trigger point of the whole idea: When i was smaller, they were perfect, unmarred, beautiful things. Now they are scarred, and hurt constantly. the cold hurts, writing hurts, hell typing this makes the joints in my fingers hurt. As i get older i notice that most of my joints hurt for no real reason, back neck elbows wrists knees. One of these days the whole entity that is me will most likely give out. I'm healthy by a technical definition People look toward the future with hope , most days i just assume it will be work toil and more pain, i expect to get out of college and get a job i never really wanted making less than i would like and working until the day my body decides to quite. Most likely dying slow, of cancer or some such, that what i see, its what i can expect, for the most part i've given up on happieness, i dont really believe in things like that atleast not when applied to me, Love is another word i haven't beleived in in years Yeah, i'm jaded, depressive, and not all that great of a person, but honestly am i wrong? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
7:09 pm	morning Hi, tired head hurts back hurts, i figure if i ever had a day without something hurting, i'd figure the world was ending Did something today that might mean something, might mean nothing, might change reality, might as well have not happened Do you understand or just pretend you do? I don't think they get it, never have, never will, always have, always will. Now the real trivk is interpretting this nonsense this jumble, things are often good, though things are often bad, the trick is that most thingsa re no longer, and the future is a blank slate, not as beautiful as it once was, not as big and shiny, its lost its luster, and isn't as nice as the past portrays, but it can still change, turn into something great, maybe. Do you get it, do I, do i mean what i say, or merely listen to the void? is there a future, a past, doesn't any of it matter, now ever? who knows, what i know is often a lot, but it is dwarfed by that which i dont i do what i do, and i try, often not in the right times but i do, so i'll walk my road on into the future, until i fall, the road never ends not truly, and no man women child, anything really, can ever see it all, can ever get to the end. So i walk till i stop, i walk alone, sorry but its the way it is, (Comment on this)
Friday, January 13th, 2006
2:33 am	Here you know i dont even know who reads this anymore. i know somebody must because at times i get comments on it from other people. yeah. somewhat tired, not tired enough mind you but hey. lots of bad karma earlier this week, i need not get into it. new paragraph. not drunk mind you haven't touched the stuff. contemplating stuff, trying to make decisions, you'd be amazed how poorly that works. I think reality is broken right now, it doesn't work the way it ought to, now dont ask how it ought to work i'm not sure but it isn't right its broken. now if you dont know what i mean then i cant explain it to you, and if you think you know what i mean you are most likely wrong. have one or two good things floating through the currents taht are my thoughts, but i know how things work, and you'd be amazed how often i am not wrong. so this nice semi happy thoughts will most likely never amount to anything, oh well got certain bad things fixed, and haven't aquired any news ones really in the last couple fo days, plus my hand doesn't hurt , scratch that, my little finger on my right hand doesn't hurt anymore. That kind of pissed me off, the right hand arm and body in general aren't supposed to get scars and such, that is for the left side, for though it is complelely and totally acceptable for the left side of my body to be marred and scarred it is unacceptable for such to happen to the right side. Now why does this happen why is this truth, this is because the right side of my body to my way of thinking is the better side, and thus should not be treated to this sort of maltreatment. now thinking about it logically it makes a pseudo sense, my bad eye is the left, my dominant hand is the right, as i beleive is my right leg, as most of my right parts as superior to my left it only makes sense that they should be less marked. even my piercings are on the left and inferior side Now i know i sound nuts in this, but if it makes you feal better i sound nuts most days, you just dont pay enough attention. Finally, maybe, they are plotting against me again, well again is not entirely accurate, because i dont think they ever stopped, now who they is is not entirely clear, other then they are them and i am not. i dont know what they want but they are most definitely plotting something involving me, and as soon as i figure it all out i will do somethin this is my incoherent jumble of words, and i maitain the right to deny any and all of it at any given moment. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 9th, 2006
10:25 pm	not dead yet Hi, i'm tired sore and stressed. My hand still hurts from where the piano cut me on new years, and my back hurts just cause. people are yeah, exactly, and i have way to much free time, i hate it. i got myself staying up till three four every day, and that sucks, and i then sleep till 1 o clock, yeah goody whatever. still no job, dont really feal like looking for one. nothing has really gone right lately, but it hasn't gone wrong enough to really justify complaining. so thats how thinggs stand kinda sorta mostly, like i said i'm not dead yet, so later all (Comment on this)
Monday, December 12th, 2005
1:39 pm	How goes it? New update, dont like Honda cars right now, they dont stand up to impact well. Tired, and more of me hurts than i would like. Not the emotional thing, we need not deal with that sort of thing today, just the physical. well not really in the mood to talk much, later (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
6:41 pm	Status Report: 1. finished paper 2. got christmas tree and moved it 3. trees itch Thats about it for the moment (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
9:13 pm	Bad karma, later friend Ya ever lose a friend? not just so that you cant find him, but you get to watch him going down hill getting worse and worse, assuring you that he's fine, he's got his problems under control. Yeah he's a drug addict, my friend since i was fifteen, but he's okay, he swears it. he'll get it back under control soon, no worries. He doesn't get better, same stuff, hell i even helped him get his stuff once in a while, give him a ride here or there, help him get money, the usual, and he doesn't get better, worse and worse, he doesn't look all that much different, but his house does, his life. His collection of dvd's once numbering in the hundreds, dwindles down to a dozen or so, his turn tables, the music that he once told me meant more to him than his girlfirend, meant more to him than most anything else in his life, sold for more drugs, bad karma man. My friend down on his luck. Now he starts stealing stuff to get money, borrowing money he never intends to give back, he gets caught and jailed. He loses his house, and ends up living with a crack dealer, he's been doing it for weeks now, his normal stuff having gotten to expensive for him, his longtime girlfriend in just as sorry shape as him, not as close a friend of mine, but someone i've known for years. I got a phone call tonight, hi Bjorn, how ya doing, i'm in jail, i need 200 bucks. Sorry man cant help you. Now he's in jail, again, a drug addict, nothing left, lost his house his dreams, his life, nothing to show for it. Sad ain't it? my friend, mostly gone now, a shadow, maybe he'll get better, right? put his life straight and fix the bad. doubt it, not likely, oh well what you gonna do about it right? BAD KARMA BAD KARMA BAD KARMA (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
5:02 pm	a yep Hey how'g it going? going hunting this weekend, probably. Not sure its worth bringing a gun with me though, i've never shot a deer, and never shot at one, so i figure loosing the wieght of the gun wont adversly affect my performance MHook52: you here? Die Bretter: yep MHook52: was looking for orange stuff MHook52: silly looking Die Bretter: the orange stuff or looking? MHook52: put the new scope on my gun today, not sighted in MHook52: the orange MHook52: also not sure the iron sights are acurate, never fired the thing before, and i dont actually own any ammo for it Die Bretter: that might be a problem if a deer comes in the way...but i dont think it'll happen so there's not much to worry about MHook52: no, not really MHook52: honestly i figure i wont do any worse than last year if i have no gun, so no ammo isn't really going to lower my average Die Bretter: with no ammo tho there's gonna be like a huge buck just staring you down like 2 feet from you MHook52: yeah, but thats fine, i'll wrestle him to death MHook52: i got a knife Die Bretter: they got antler things MHook52: i can take him Die Bretter: lol Die Bretter: just keep him busy..yell..and someone'll get the truck MHook52: and hit him right? Die Bretter: yep MHook52: you still got steve's gun? Die Bretter: yep MHook52: and he's not going? Die Bretter: he is..but he's prolly gonna use one of gramps or something MHook52: not sure huh? i am obviously very confident, well like i says, it wont matter much anyway as i really dont want to shoot anything anyway, have fun (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
6:39 pm	strange days long days hi, strange day today, though i tend to have either strange or long, or maybe even bad or boring days, today was a strange one. from digging for things in my pockets, to sitting with people half asleep on me in the coffee house, to the rest of it all. kinda cold here, never was a warm room. i dont know about you, but i seem to be in one of those moods, when all the things in my head want my attention, the old memories that are best forgotten, good and bad, not all things in life are bad, want to be seen, heard, they are dredged up from the depths of the void, resurected for short periods to haunt me again. the bad memories are bad, but often the good ones are equal, and some are just sad, things that are not anymore, and never will be again. i have my test tomorrow, not worried right now, it'll go how it does, pass or fail, whatever. i dont know what i want lately, i dont know what i need, i dont even know whats going on anymore, i'm getting tired of trying, doesn't seem to help me much anyway, yeah, whatever peoples, later. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
6:20 pm	fun Hi, lots of fun today, stressed, because i have to study for a test that i will fail no matter what i do anyway, but i have to study in the vain hope that i dont fail, not really expecting that , I tend to fail any test involving numbers, more or less because it has numbers. Nephews dont help stress, and my mom making the nephews hit things with hammers doesn't help stress tomorrow. My test isn't till thursday, so i will have lots of time to be stressed out and unhappy, until it happens, then i can leave the class confident in the knowledge that i failed miserably, but mildly hopeful that i will have passed, until such time as i get the results, and discover that yes in fact i have failed miserably. oh well, going to go try to relax enough to study thus making myself stressed out again, dont you love those circles of doom. (Comment on this)